From the Desk of Rebecca: Random Friday Thoughts

Fridays seem to be the best time to collect random tidbits, so here are mine. Like my earlier post, it seems more fun to share those things that have provoked thought, laughter or... as referred to earlier today, lust. Have fun!

Erik Redmond at Irish Calvinist often has interesting or provocative posts, but I really enjoyed his brief reflection on the irony that he spent his single life being macho with his guy friends only to marry and have a woman for a best friend:-)

Good ole JT had another great post that led me to an online PDF about loving God with your heart AND your mind. I am looking forward to exploring this at greater length.

As if I didn't already have enough to read, Practicing Writer pointed me to an online community of readers and writers that looks like it should yield some interesting reads... Maybe I'll even comment if it is worth it...

Some of you know my passion for godly marriage--eventually my own , but mostly the support of marriage-mindedness in singles and marriage-committedness in my married friends. Boundless provides another interesting post about why they are so vocally in support of marriage.

JT had a post earlier on Nichols' book on the Blues and what an African-American pastor thinks of this exploration of a minority view of Christianity. Recently J and I were discussing what it feels like to be a minority when there are a very small number of Christians in a setting where there are systematic thought patterns that keep people from even seeing their prejudice. We discussed how it requires much grace, patience and genuine love to help someone see their faulty thought patterns and systematic beliefs for what they are.

It made me think of those unconscious prejudicial patterns in my own thinking that I rarely see because they seem so natural. I have been repenting daily since then. There is no way around it... my heart harbors prejudices, particularly racial and intellectual ones. Now I am struggling to change those patterns, but I can see it will take a lot of grace and patience on the part of those who are the objects of this prejudice and a great work of the Holy Spirit to redeem my thinking.

That leads me to Parchment and Pen's interesting post on one argument against atheism that may not be very effective.

Finally, I close with my friend April's ode to her beloved father. Her attitude, if not her specific examples could all be spoken about my own father. I don't know what I would do without his love and loving relationship with me. He has taught me much about what a man can be by the grace of God. In addition, my sisters and I experienced some of adventures in the company of April, Stacey and their incorrigible dad:-)

Enjoy the weekend! It should be beautiful weather here in the Chicagoland area, and hopefully good weather for the Marathon. May God be with anyone who thinks running 28 miles is a good thing:-D

Extreme Bible lust!

I am again in the throes of extreme Bible lust (see Websters 1828 dictionary definition here). It is definitely an "inordinate desire." On several blogs that I subscribe to there have been mentions of the new ESV study Bible's imminent release. Today, at least twice already, I have heard that Westminster books has some in stock and ready to ship. Their prices are the best by far--40% off the price of the premium calfskin and the leather bound version. I want to go buy one for myself, but that is not in the current budget. Besides, my birthday is exactly 4 weeks from today, so I should wait at least until then to buy it. Who knows, someone may be prompted to get one for me, or there may be birthday cash best devoted to this sort of purchase.

A new Bible is not the only book on my list. After many promptings from my dear friend TulipGirl, I am also desiring a copy of Grudem's Systematic Theology. They have it at Westminster Books, but it is also on my Amazon wishlist. Never one to pass up on a little light reading, it seems like an ideal bedside companion. As I grow in my faith I see a greater and greater need to have a firm grounding in Biblical theology. I need to chew and savor...

Note: I recently split my wishlists on Amazon--one is of books that I want to purchase and the other is for books I want to read/get from the library. They are often completely different types of books:-)

Edit: TulipGirl reminded me that it was actually Berkof's Systematic Theology that she recommended.... So now that has been added to the wishlist as well! Don't know who it was that recommended Grudem...

From the Desk of Rebecca

http://techbuddy.us/images/womancomputer.jpg

I have gotten in the habit of emailing Jon my favorite blog posts every few days, occasionally wishing I would have bookmarked them so I could go back and read them again. Then I hit upon a wonderful idea: if I write a blog post every time I email him, I'll have them right there:-) I scan a lot of blogs via my RSS feed on google reader, but I only read a few. Here are some that actually were read today!

Jon and I read the first chapter out of Abolition of Man by CS Lewis on our way home from MO over Labor Day and had some lively discussion about worldviews and the training of young minds to be prepared for answering difficult questions. Justin Taylor over at Between Two Worlds posted some links to more interesting dialogue about worldviews here.

Another interesting post from JT concerned adhering to Biblical truth even when you may have emotional disagreement with it. This is not something you hear about very often and is definitely worth thinking about. What do I believe even though it doesn't resonate with me? What do I NOT believe because of the way it makes me feel, rather than because I have a firm conviction that it is not true? It reminds me of some of the conversations that I have had with non-believers and believers alike who don't believe in hell. They just don't think it fits with the idea of a good God.

Finally, any conversation about theology or philosophy eventually leads Jon back to naturalism, which he loathes. My own forays into worldview studies and my interest in philosophy and the understanding of truth was one of the first things Jon loved about me;-) He also finds that sort of conversation very romantic, so I like to make sure it is in good supply! Here was an interesting article on Parchment and Pen that makes a good argument against naturalism's ability to provide a foundation for morality.

There is always more to write, but that will have to wait for another post.

Interesting ideas from the blogosphere

One of the things I love about blogs is subscribing to google reader and being able to catch up on my favorite blogs without having to remember to visit them. Normally I do this at work when things are slow.

The other day one of the blogs that I read regularly suggested subscribing to a read through the Bible plan as a way to incorporate more Bible reading into your day. I had been thinking and praying about that so the timing was providential. I have started doing that and it has already been quite a blessing. I encourage you to try it, especially if you work most of the day on the computer, like I do:-)

There is so much more on my mind but I don't have the time to post it. I will try to get somethings out here more regularly. Also, I am bringing the camera with tomorrow as Jon and I apartment hunt, so hopefully that will equal more pictures on here as well!

edit: Just to clear up any possible confusion, the apartment hunt is for Jon, whose lease is up in November. For now I am very happy and comfortable with Beth and the cats.

Bible lust

Is it possible to lust for a Bible? If so, I am currently in the throes of an intense Bible lust. Some of you may remember from my birthday/Christmas post from last year that I was looking to get a new Bible. A leather-bound to-last-a-lifetime Bible. Well, I didn't get one last year, for myself or from someone else. It was a disappointment, but like all disappointments, in hindsight I can see the upside.

The upside to this disappointment is the ESV Study Bible. Due out in October (just in time for my 30th birthday!) it looks amazing. Normally I shy away from too much commentary in a Bible. My old stand-by Slimline NASB with cross-referencing was enough for years. At this point in my walk with Christ, though, I think I could do with some quality commentary.


So, if anyone is looking to drop a large amount of money on my birthday celebration, I would love the premium calf-skin:-) It needs to last for 60 yrs or so, so the cost/use analysis makes it a great deal--just over $3.00 a year!

Solzhenitsyn

(photo compliments of NY Times)

This past week one of the foremost Russian writers died. I've linked to two different obituaries, the NY Times and a Boundless blog post. There is always so much to be said about someone as controversial and pugnacious as Solzhenitsyn.

I distinctly remember reading One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich. The writing was hard and visceral and almost too simple to be real. I had wrestled (unsuccessfully) through Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov and Crime and Punishment, firmly convinced that Russian novels were an Everest I was incapable of climbing. But still, I had seen that unpronounceable name in the writings of individuals I admired. If I was to be an educated 20th century reader I had to read something by him. My reading was so random and lopsided. Here was a chance to fill in a gap.

Universal human experience is one proof, in my mind, of the centrality of a Creator. It is fact that, regardless of seemingly consequential differences, humans have a huge well of shared experience. Pain, loneliness, anger, fear, pleasure, happiness..... We have families and friends. We experience gain and loss. We love beauty, hate ugliness, and often times don't think past our stomach or our bed. Any person that I meet anywhere on the planet shares far more with me than could possibly be different.

Because of this great shared wealth the gulag became my life for the short time that it took to read One Day... I was a suburban teenager in my basement bedroom, surrounded by a loving family and recipient of the freedom and decadence of an American middle-class life. I was female, young and almost excessively sheltered. But I knew the reality of that life.

Solzhenitsyn reminds me often of an Old Testament prophet. I don't know that he wept much, but he was often misunderstood and he spoke truth when all wisdom seemed to advise silence. He championed against injustice motivated out of a passionate love of his homeland and people. He was often disillusioned and alone. The general public regarded him as a saint and crusader one moment and painfully awkward old coot the next.

He was just a man and one who lived long enough to prove that all men are fallible and easily misunderstood. But irregardless of some extreme and often mistaken views, he clung tenaciously to the truth when the truth promised little but heartache. In that respect, Solzhenitsyn was almost a living embodiment of anti-postmodernism. It is not all about questioning. Deconstruction is only valuable when you are actually taking apart something harmful AND are willing to subject your deconstruction to the lens of truth. Finally, truth doesn't change, no matter how you look at it, or whether or not it is fashionable or pleasant.

Haven't written anything this complex in some time. I am still wrestling with the implications of a life well-lived and whether or not I or Solzhenitsyn can lay claim to having one. Death brings so much to the foreground that I rarely think about. The NY Times obit is in my bag, haven't finished it yet, so I have some more time to think.

Cool stuff: my version

Was wandering around the blogs I like to frequent and came across this post from Random Musings. I always enjoy what she has to say, and her name is Rebecca, so she must be cool ;-) It seems like I wrote just yesterday and it has already been almost 2 weeks... YIKES!

Cool stuff:

• Thunderstorms that crash so loudly they make me jump... even if I have my earphones in.
• Changing the hem on $0.80 pants from the thrift store and having cute office wear.
• A best friend who will sit and listen to me verbally process my relational experience without yawning once.
• Thumb-wrestling with an extremely intelligent man and considering it just as fun as deep conversation.
• The fragrance of clothes fresh from the clothesline.
• Anything that combines mushrooms, spinach and good cheese.
• Standing in front of A Sunday on La Grande Jatte by Georges Seurat with someone who has never seen it before.
• Living over a year without a car.
• Working with interesting people at a job that really only requires 35 hrs a week from me and still pays me a livable wage.

There is always more that could be added. I am hoping to have a book list/review post in a few days. Just finished Chesterton's Orthodoxy and am in the midst of Till We Have Built Jerusalem by Philip Bess.... an interesting collection of essays on New Urbanism and its ties to the sacred. So much to think about (and write about)-- so little time!

Poem #30

Today is the last day of National Poetry Month. The final prompt for this month is to write about an ending. That is something I should know quite a bit about.... there are a lot of things ending or closing in my life right now. My job ends May 30th, my lease is up May 31st, Sara and I stopped being roommates a few weeks ago, other relationships are ebbing and flowing... But I still find this poem hard to write. Even going back to earlier closures don't seem to help. I would skip it except it is the last prompt and I haven't been too faithful as it is. So here is my attempt:

The end

Turning the last page
Emptiness knocks me down
Like that huge wave in the
Bahamas--turned topsy-turvy
My sunglasses and contacts
ripped from my face
left me blind and vulnerable
on a foreign beach. The epilogue
completed--not a single word left
leaves me hollow and floundering
reaching for a life preserver in
the waves of loss and confusion.
She sucked me in--tossed me
into an articulate oblivion of
personality, philosophy and beauty
to no end.
My gluttonous reading has left me
gorged and unsatisfied
The End cut off all hope of escape.

National Poetry Month

April is National Poetry Month. As a writer I should be up on these things, but I don't always pay attention like I should. So... the Academy of American Poets has issued a challenge: all poets should write a poem a day for the month of April. Since my poetry writing has been about nil in my year+ since leaving Berea, I thought this was a good idea. Keep your eyes peeled... I will try to have one up every day this coming month!

In continued celebration of this joy, I should let you know that my students are studying poetry this month as well. I may tell them about this challenge and see what they think...

Yippee!!!

I just found out that I have been accepted into the Roosevelt University English MA program! Just waiting to hear from 4 more programs and then I have to decide what I am going to do and how I am going to do it!

Added a new link

Just wanted to let you know that I added a new link to my bloglist: Reclaiming the Mind. I am always on the lookout for intelligent Christian blogs and this one has been interesting. I found it first because of it's series on the emergent church, a topic that I find fascinating. Check it out when you want a little something to chew on.

And some new books

Via the circuitous route of my blog reading, I came across this "Top 30" book list that was intriguing. It is obviously from a reformed theological perspective, but I thought it was particularly interesting that the Literary Study Bible made it into the #1 spot.

The Importance of Old Books

I am still pondering on the C S Lewis quote. The primary motivator, as I mentioned in my last post, was the book "The Art of Loving God" by St. Francis de Sales. My grandfather gave it to me in May shortly before Sara and I moved to Chicago. He reads a great deal of the church fathers and tentatively offered his copy, not wanting me to feel he was "pushing" his Catholicism. The book sat on my shelf for months while I considered picking it up and adding it to the lineup.

Earlier this month I had a shouting moment with God. Life was just too hard, my loneliness too overwhelming, responsibility draining my energy and joy about the future. Reading "Revelations of a Single Woman" earlier in the fall was an incredible encouragement. Here was a book written by a woman in my situation with insights and encouragement to not give up hope. The thing was, there was something missing. My miserableness did not abate and no matter what I did, my obsessive thinking patterns were not changing. I wanted to love God more so that whether or not I was feeling loved enough by those around me, it would not rule my emotions or my ability to function.

I've read so many relationship books, so many "how to have a better life" books that I should know how to do this. My problem is that I know so much, but my mind and emotions have such a disconnect in my daily life that the knowing doesn't really make it into my living.

Enter the "old" book.

One of the major issues that I have with modern books (and praise and worship songs, and sermons, and self-help guides) is that the focus is all about me in bold letters and sometimes even in all caps. Life is better than I think. I need to make better decisions, meet new people or serve more. I should take heart, or take control, or just take a break. What I do matters most, has the greatest influence and makes the biggest difference.

But I belong to the God of the universe, and he has told me more times than I can count that I am NOT the center of that universe. So why is it all about me?

St Francis de Sales, writing circa 1610 to women who were unable to dedicate themselves to full-time seclusion but still wanting to live completely dedicated to God, takes a very practical, realistic view of loving God. What is the first step to loving God: Have confidence in God's mercy. Beginning with the acknowledgment of my own failure, sinfulness and imperfection, I still act, confident in the sacrifice of Christ to make everything right. Whether you feel it or not, whether you know it in your heart is of far less important than what you chose to do:

"Act confidently regardless of your feelings And even if you do not feel such confidence, you must still not fail to make acts of confidence, saying to our Lord, "Although, dear Lord, I have no feeling of confidence in Thee, I know all the same that Thou art my God, that I am wholly Thine, and that I have no hope but in Thy goodness; therefore I abandon myself entirely into They hands." It is always in our power to make these acts, although there may be difficulty, there is never impossibility. It is on these occasions and amid these difficulties that we ought to show fidelity to our Lord. For although we may make these acts without fervor and without satisfaction to ourselves, we must not distress ourselves about that; our Lord loves them better thus."(8)

You mean it is not about how I feel about it? My personal satisfaction in my actions is not the highest judgment of their value? Where is the joy in that?

It only gets better! The next step in loving God: Embrace God's will with equanimity. Now this is something that is preached all the time for various reasons.... If I love the life that God has given me, he will finally send me a husband, give me the child that I need so desperately, make clear the path to happiness. Like Magic, acceptance of God's will leads directly to satisfied hopes and sated desires. de Sales, on the other hand, makes it clear that embracing God's will is not about feeling, and it is not about personal satisfaction. It is all about God.

"Rely on God's goodness, not on your feelings Our confidence in God must be founded on His infinite goodness and on the merits of the Passion and death of our Lord Jesus Christ, with this condition on our part: that we should persevere and recognize in ourselves an entire and firm resolution to belong wholly to God, and to abandon ourselves in all things and without any reserve to His Providence. Observe that I do not say what we must feel this resolution to belong wholly to God, but only that we must have it and recognize it in ourselves; we must not concern ourselves with what we feel or do not feel, since the greater part of our feelings and satisfaction are only the movements of self-love."(22)

When was the last time that I was told, by a Christian or secular author that feeling was less important than doing? Or, as de Sales goes even farther, that my feelings are so much less about what God is doing or saying in my life and so much more about "self-love"? I could go on and on, but I will draw my quoting to a close here.

There is a bit of the stoic about de Sales, and I am not much of a stoic and have never wanted to be one. But I needed the reminder of two very important points: first, the issue is all about God, recognizing who he is and trusting myself to him, and second, what really matters are the choices I make and what is happening in my will, regardless of how I feel about it. I may not feel like God loves me very much when he leaves me days without physical affection, but that isn't true. He looked down at my misery in sin and joyfully sacrificed his Son to satisfy his perfect justice and reveal his perfect love. This is ALWAYS true, regardless of how I feel.

Not only that... When I choose to submit, choose to love and choose to look to him rather than at the circumstances swirling around and within me, he loves me and holds me. It is true and every choice that I make either undercuts or reinforces that weight of truth in my daily life.

I am still shouting at God--sometimes accompanied by crying and pummeling pillows or just obsessive-thinking induced insomnia--but I calm down, the hiccups lessen and my heart finds rest when I choose to look at him, rather then the swirl of emotion that threatens to overwhelm me. I will never be a calm person without supernatural inner peace. It just isn't part of my make-up. But Galatians says that peace is a fruit of the Spirit and it will come as I live submitted to that Spirit.

So what does this mean? The old books must be read. They come from a time when the individual wasn't the center of life and much of life was just hard and you dealt with it. And they also come from a time when God was big, and omnipotent, not just a personal security blanket. I love my passionate relationship with God, but it could benefit from some awe, and, well, some daily living in the eternal reality of who God is.

But this has run far too long and I feel like I haven't said a sliver of what is really on my heart. Oh well, c'est la vie:-)

What I have been reading...

So, after waiting interminable to elaborate on the Lewis quote, I am finally back. I should probably start with the "What I've Been Reading" list:

Recently Finished
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J K Rowling was fun and entertaining. I happen to think that Rowling is a good writer and as an adult I enjoy her stories. I still have reservations of serving them up unaccompanied by thoughtful conversation to children. As a child I absorbed undiscerningly and with relish everything that I read. Rowling has a little too much philosophical relativity in her writings to let them be passively absorbed; but I don't understand the hysteria, unless it is the whole magic thing. Besides, this book does offer up one of the best Rowling quotes ever: page 329--"Ginny!" said Mr. Weasley flabbergasted. "Haven't I taught you anything? What have I always told you? Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain?"

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J K Rowling see above commentary... but I would add that, while the fumbling and malicious adults who don't want to see the truth or follow it may be realistic, Rowling undermines adult authority/trustworthiness with so many of your grown-up characters that it should definitely be followed up with some discussion about integrity and loving adults.

The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson all I can say is, Erik Larson is amazing! This thoroughly researched true story about the World's Fair in Chicago and the serial killer H H Holmes is fascinating. It has more drama and thrill than some of the best crime novels and it is ALL true! I love reading non-fiction, but few are as excellent page-turners as this one. Besides, it is about Chicago, the city that I love:-)

The Art of Loving God by St Francis de Sales this is the book that prompted the quote by C S Lewis. I will be writing on this further.

En Route to the Epilogue
The Next Christendom by Philip Jenkins was loaned to me by a friend from church. I saw it on his bookcase and it really was intriguing. Looking at Christianity in the global south, Jenkins discusses the fundamentalist bent of this form of Christianity and the likelihood of major clashes between Christians and Muslims as both religions grow in Africa and Asia, as well as Latin America. Not quite the page turner that Larson was, but equally interesting. I highly appreciate Jenkins emphasis on the long-standing history of Christianity in the global south and the fallacy of "imperial Christianity." Jenkins approaches this subject as a historian, rather than a religious proponent, which adds some impartiality.

The Way of the Heart by Henri Nouwen is a return engagement for me. I received this book for Christmas the year I was 18 and I have read it at least two times before. This book, while not directly applicable to the C S Lewis quote, because it is not an entirely old book; but it is focused on an older spirituality. Henri Nouwen takes the spirituality of the Desert Fathers of the 4th/5th century and applies it to modern ministry. The focus is on solitude, silence and prayer... a great prep for my retreat in January.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J K Rowling having already seen the movie, I have an idea of what is going to happen, but it is still fun to read. When am I going to have time to read 700 page books besides Christmas break?

Coming Soon
The Imitation of Christ by Thomas A Kempis this will also be a return engagement for me. I have had a copy of this book for 10-15 yrs but I have never read the entire thing. After de Sales I thought another Christ centered icon from an established tradition would be a good balance to all the more modern reading that crosses my path.

The God Who is There by Francis Schaeffer would be one of the more modern reads on my list. Last time I read this one I was 19 and en route to meeting my self-proclaimed nihilistic intellectual uncle. It was amazingly applicable then and I am pretty sure it will be again, surrounded as I am by intelligent people who by-and-large have little use for God or Christianity.

The Freedom Writers Diary by the Freedom Writers and Erin Gruell I watched the film almost 5 times this past week as a treat for my students and I really want to read the book. This is quite inspiring, especially considering the situation that I am in right now.

Important quote

It is late and I don't have time to elaborate on this tonight, but I wanted to post this quote by C S Lewis. It is one that I have been looking for for awhile and it speaks to my reading list of recent days. Read it, think about it, and I will try to write more in the next few days.

It is a good rule, after reading a new book, never to allow yourself another new one till you have read an old one in between. If that is too much for you, you should at least read one old one to every three new ones. C S Lewis (from his introduction to Athanasius On the Incarnation referenced here.)

The Literary Study Bible

Some of you know that I am looking for a new Bible. I have had my last one for almost 10 years and it is starting to wear out. I've already replaced the cover once:-) So, in my pursuit of a new Bible I have been looking at different ESV versions. My current daily Bible is NAS and I have treasured that translation very much over the years. However, reading and rereading the same text can lend itself to only a surface view. Changing versions tends to give me a chance to dig deeper again. I was considering a "serious" Bible: full-grain leather cover, in-depth commentary, etc. After all, I am an adult and ready for the responsibility of a Bible that will last me a lifetime. Then I stumbled across the Literary Study Bible at Westminster Books. As an English major who loves digging deep into literature the idea intrigued me. What do you think? (BTW, Westminster Books is having a sale on their Bibles--45% off for Christmas. Thanks to Irish Calvinist blog for letting me know about this one.)

Quotes

I adore quotes. I love to read them, find them, share them. But I don't give them as much mental chew-time, generally speaking, as they deserve. I left St. Francis De Sales up for quite awhile because I felt like he needed more chewing. However, it is a very long quote and I thought something short and pithy was due. So, I am inserting it here as a post so that I can find it again and others can check it out who don't normally visit my blog in real space/time. And you also have the opportunity to take in a new one:-)

The everlasting God has in His wisdom foreseen from eternity the cross that He now presents to you as a gift from His all-knowing eyes,

understood with His Divine mind,

tested with His wise justice,

warmed with loving arms

and weighted with His own hands to see that it be not one inch too large and not one ounce too heavy for you.

He has blessed it with His holy Name,

anointed it with His grace,

perfumed it with His consolation,

taken one last glance at you and your courage,

and then sent it to you from heaven, a special greeting from God to you, an alms of the all-merciful love of God.

--St Francis de Sales

another great post

I seem to be generating NO original thoughts here lately, but I have been reading quite a few. Amy loves books has another great, poetic one that I envy exceedingly. It reminds me a little of one of my best friends and I thought I would share it with all of you. Enjoy!

BTW, the pic makes sense if you read the post;-)

So True!

Another gem from amy loves books here. I became acquainted with her over teaching, so it is fitting that I should link to another teaching post. This one is the kind of encouragement I need to hear on a daily, maybe even moment-by-moment, basis.

So Beautiful

My dear friend at TulipGirl turned me on to a delightful blog called amy loves books and today I read a post of hers that was so beautiful that I wanted to share it with you. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. (Imagine how much more lovely my blog would be if I managed to include anything like this on a regular basis!)