26 July 2007

Things are getting better!

Thought I should let you all know that things are definitely getting better. I have begun to put first things first, and that always helps. Having a quiet time for almost a week straight managed to pull me out of a bit of a slump. In addition, I had a FABULOUS Sunday this past weekend. Church was wonderful, the sermon honest and convicting, my Bible study/Sunday school class was right on where I am at, and we had a church picnic afterwards where I was able to get to know several people much better. God has been so gracious to me in leading me to such a wonderful church! I just can't thank him enough!

Also, just wanted to give you a brief update on the blog. I added a new section, random links and thought I should introduce them.... briefly.... The Amazon link is not to prompt you all to buy me new books and music (although that would be nice) but to let you know what is on my "To Read" list. I don't have the money or time to buy most of what is on that list, but I do use it as a reference when I go to the library, or when someone is interested in a possible new read.

The second link is to the Boundless Webzine. I have benefited many times from Boundless. Their articles are often thought-provoking and challenging. I am also learning that many people have never heard of it. So here is the link.... Try it, you might like it;-)

Finally, I had an interview last week with Moody Bible Institute last week for a full-time position that I am VERY interested in! It was my second interview, and it sounds like they may have it down to just myself and another person who will be interviewing on Wednesday. Please pray that whatever comes of this, I will be willing for God's will. The job seems ideal to me, the pay is what I need right now, the benefits excellent, commuting location just right, and it would allow me to work for an organization that I can support with all my heart. I should find out sometime after the 1st what they have decided, and if I get the job should start as soon as this one ends.

Guess that is it for now..... Now I must go to bed!

21 July 2007

Pulling my hair out!

So, today is the first day of the second week of the second session of teaching for the summer. How's that for a mind bender? I have to say, this job is running me ragged. I am VERY glad that it is only for 4 more weeks... I don't think I could handle much more. The teaching itself is fine, and often very rewarding. I connect well with my students, enjoy them and draw a lot of positive energy from being in front of them.

But I am exhausted. I figure, with commute time included, I am working between 60-70 hrs a week right now. I teach 13 classes in 5 days with commutes of over an hour (sometimes closer to 2) one-way on most days. Its fatiguing and the worst part is that I have so little time for my friends. My days off this session are Sunday and Monday. Sometimes I have to work part of Monday to keep up with all the planning and paperwork and that leaves little time to socialize. On top of that, when you get home at 6:30 pm, after leaving the house at 7:30 am it is hard to muster the energy to go out. And I only get home that early on Saturdays. On Tuesdays and Fridays I am lucky to get home by 7:00 and on Wednesdays and Thursdays I teach evening classes and usually make it through the door around 10:30 or 11:00. Whew! Hard to believe even for me.

This job is reminding me yet again that I am a bad time manager and absolutely dreadful at making time for the most important things. Urgency always wins out. So my attendance gets in and my books get packed and I shower, but my quiet time just doesn't seem to happen most of the time. My heart hurts because of it. And my body does too.

The stress hormones are racing through my bloodstream with no letup. I can feel the adrenaline and I know that I need to run or do something to get it out of my system. But there is no time. I wake up feeling icky and go to bed uncomfortable with no better explanation than the fact that I haven't relaxed all day, sitting in traffic was horrible, and I am not ready to teach my next set of classes.

The pragmatic part of me says, "It's just for a few more weeks, the money is good and the work is rewarding." The vulnerable part of me wants to cry and whimpers "But all I need is some quiet, a cup of tea, and uninterrupted time to think and pray." I am afraid that the whimpers will go ignored for so long that they will stop. I am afraid that I will lose touch with the soft vulnerable parts and become what I so loathe: the hardened, tough, do-it-yourself single woman. Is that how a woman becomes that way? Just ignore that voice for a little while longer and it won't bother you anymore?

This post has evolved into something that I didn't really expect. My heart is full and my body is tired, but there is too much to do in the few hours that I have before bed, so I will close off and get to the next thing. Maybe I'll have time for quiet tomorrow.....

11 July 2007

And there was finally time to think

Life has been crazy lately and there has been little time to think. I HATE THAT! I don't know if I could shout any louder on the keyboard! Without time to reflect and process I lose the ability to savor the intellectual delights that come my way. It feels like my mind, and sometimes even my heart, is fed intravenously, no tastes, no textures, just bland nutrition pumped where it needs to go. What joy is there in that?

Today is my day off. It is weird sitting at home in my PJs at 8:30 on a weekday, but I will be out of the house by 7:00 on Saturday, so it all comes out right in the end. Today is daunting in its openness, but I know that I will fill it more full than it should be in very short order. There are things to be organized, errands to run and writing and reading that gets pushed aside during normal waking hours.

I have only read two books this summer. TWO! That is pitiful in the extreme. I remember when I used to read 50-100 chapter books a summer. Those days are gone forever, or at least until I am 80.... But the two I read were reasonably absorbing. The first one was The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides. He is an incredible writer and the story was interesting. I actually received this from the guy I was dating at the time. (Interesting side note: we dated for 3 weeks, about 6 dates and then it went kaput--we had irreconcilable differences regarding physical intimacy--and I still got 2 interesting books out of the bargain. It could have been worse.) This is not for children, but if you appreciate someone who can startle you with a word or a metaphor and/or you are interested in a story that is not written in the traditional first or third person, you should give it a whirl. Even my slow-reading roommate got through it in a little over a week.

The second was much longer and had a tendency to wander a bit, but it was absorbing nonetheless. The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger is a creative premise wrapped in some valuable writing and some less stellar writing as well. I received this book in the mail from said romantic interest about a week after we broke up. He told me at the time of our split that he was reading this book in order to forget me. Obviously that didn't work, since it landed in my mailbox not long after. Personally, I think it was a bad choice. This book is a passionate story about two people who love each other intensely and not always happily. Additionally, sex is an important part of their relationship, and considering that we split over that very subject, he could have chosen something less likely to remind him of his lack.

Anyway, the idea that someone could have a chromosomal issue that would cause them to be chronologically challenged and involuntarily travel through time when under serious stress is interesting to consider. I believe that Niffenegger handles the conflict with a steady hand and manages to make the story mostly believable. This is a step up from normal summer blockbuster fare, but light enough to keep you from too much mind-muddling philosophical speculation.

So much for my reading list. I spent last Sunday unpacking all my books onto my new bookshelf, so hopefully I will have more to add to this list soon.

05 July 2007

My hair

Here, for your viewing pleasure, is a pic of my hair. It isn't the greatest, but it is all I have at the moment, and I have been hearing cries of dissatisfaction that there is no visual proof of my changed appearance. Hope you like it.... I will try to get a real pic of my up in the near future.