Arriving to work 10 min late I found out that one of my co-workers will no longer be working here, effective immediately. Minimal explanation is available, but it doesn't look positive. When I talked to her supervisor about it she was noncommittal about reasons but did say that it was unexpected.
|one of the many doorways from our Edinburgh trip|
I can see many reasons why this could be His best provision for me, including the pay scale, the fact that I don't have to look for another job, and the comfort of not having to uproot myself. The downside is that my tendency towards a peripatetic work life means that I am restless for change. With almost 3.5 yrs logged in one location, change seems like a good idea. Additionally, it would be great to be working in my neighborhood, or at least somewhere close by enough that I could commute via bicycle or walking, rather than taking the L all the way into the loop and back. I've applied for a couple of positions in our neighborhood with no results, and searches for available positions haven't been very fruitful either.
And on top of all of this, my heart is so restless for deep intimacy with God in prayer and Bible study. I am so hungry. My heart feels famished. I know this is a good thing, to be encouraged and cultivated... an appetite that needs to grow. But it is overwhelming in the rush and bustle of my life right now. I find myself resenting my job, sitting at my desk for 7+ hrs a day and then rushing on to the next obligation. I love the pieces of my life... classes, doing homework even, Sunday worship, working with the Children's Church kids, cooking dinner, helping Sara with her sewing projects, an occasional novel slipped into my academic reading... But I haven't been making time for reflection, for deep listening, for soaking in the truth.
Then I read something like Ann's post here about Ecuador and my heart breaks in a different direction. The comfort and ease of my life often feels like a burden, a responsibility that I don't always handle well. The beggars on the street are the most visible sign of the need that engulfs my life here in the city and I feel so inadequate to meet any of it. My mind knows that rest and wholeness are found in Christ. My emotions are often slow to find it.
Pray for me when you think of it. Not sure what the Holy Spirit is doing in my heart, but I so desperately don't want to miss out on something beautiful because I am too busy or too blind.