21 June 2007

Just say "No"

Many of you know that I often spend more than my fair share of time thinking (some have said it is more like obsessing) about whatever happens to be on my mind at the moment. Recently that has included such topics as: what to do when a long-term friendship is going sour, how to handle work stress when I make a mistake, what should my goal be for employment in the fall, where will I ever meet an interesting man who wants to have a serious relationship with me, how much church involvement should I aim for, etc. This is a lot to carry around in your mind and on your heart. And it often leads to physical discomfort as well as mental discomfort.

So I have been thinking about that as well. Surprise, surprise.

But God is so gracious to me. This morning he enabled me to get out of bed in time to go running/walking in Grant Park before my day really got going. The endorphins did me a great deal of good and helped to reset the icky feelings I have when I have been thinking too much. He also sent along an excellent reminder of his ever gracious love in the form of another of Solo Femininity's blog posts.

Now this was not a new truth to me: God is perfect so he only gives perfect gifts. If God chooses to say "no" to me, then that is the most loving thing he can do. I know this. I have known it for years and often shared it with friends. However, I had not realized how much I was holding on to fear and resentment as I considered how many times he had said "no" to me and how many times it was likely to happen in the near future. I am not good at planning my own life. I get carried away by my emotions and desires of the moment and my focus is not on the God who loves me, but on my own needs or inadequacies. Sometimes I think God has to say "no" to me just to get my attention.

So now I am ready to look at things again. All those topics that swirl around in this cranium looking for answers may remain for a long time to come. Life as an adult is complicated and there are no easy answers. But I am in this for the long haul. So, I can continue this wonderful dialogue with my Savior and rejoice that even when he says "no" he is still talking to me... And I gain so much joy and comfort when I hear his voice.

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